Caramel

It won't do
to dream of caramel,
to think of cinnamon
and long for you.

It won't do
to stir a deep desire,
to fan a hidden fire
that can never burn true.

I know your name,
I know your skin,
I know the way
these things begin;

But I don't know
how I would live with myself,
what I'd forgive of myself
if you don't go.

So goodbye,
sweet appetite,
no single bite
could satisfy...

I know your name,
I know your skin,
I know the way
these things begin;

But I don't know
what I would give of myself,
how I would live with myself
if you don't go.

It won't do
to dream of caramel,
to think of cinnamon
and long
for you.

- Caramel/suzanne Vega

relationship schmurvey

Your Ideal Relationship is Casual Dating

Maybe you're looking for love... But mostly you're looking for fun. You could get serious with the right person. For now, though, you're enjoying playing the field.

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

Slower IS better...

1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.

3. If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man's character, leave him alone.

4. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

5. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

6. Don't force an attraction.

7. Slower is better.

8. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

9. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

10. Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.

11. Never settle.

12. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

13. If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship--take that as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that?

14. Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

15. Honorable men take care of their business and aren't involved in a whole lot of mess.

16. The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

17. There's only one 'reason' a man dumps you; he doesn't want you.

18. Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

19. You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.

20. Always put yourself and your happiness first.

21. Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

22. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.

23. If he doesn't call, he just isn't that interested.

24. Be honest and upfront.

25. Know when to cut the cord, don't be strung along.

26. Don't fall for the "I'm confused role". Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out (but don't wait for him, move on).

27. If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).

28. There's more than physical abuse, there's emotional and mental abuse. If he causes any of them...flee.

29. You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.

30. Don't let him place rules on you that he is not willing to follow himself -- double-standard.

31. Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more
education or in a better job.

32. Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

33. Demand respect and if he can't give it, he can't have you!

34. Don't compete with other woman, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see.

35. If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away and if you feel he's lying, let him go.

36. Actions speak louder than words.

37. Never let a man define who you are.

38. Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that.

39. Never borrow someone else's man.

40. If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

41. Just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean that he won't hurt you and it doesn't mean that you are meant to be with him.

42. To use painful hard-won wisdom -- 'get it right' the next time.

43. Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the #1person in your life.

44. Love is a verb ...

45. Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone unavailable - available, someone ungiving - giving, and someone unloving - loving.

kiss and tell?

Your Kissing Purity Score: 31% Pure

You're not one to kiss and tell... But word is, you kiss pretty well.

Kissing Purity Test

the loooong ride back

Just got home from my so-called adventure to Redondo Beach via the transit system. Yes, folks, this so-called "beach trip" turned out to be more of a "choose your own adventure" type of trip after ---what, 4 hours? -- of commute.

After dropping us off at the Redondo pier, my cousin and i spent the time walking along the coastline and checking out the scene. Normal stuff like, getting some tan, walking along and making those god-awful sandthingamajigs (we suck, seriously)and watching the healthy, active peeps of CA do their thing on the beach. After some time, we noticed that not only were we not in the vicinity of the Redondo Pier, we were also lost... so lost in fact that we missed our bus shuttle to the Green Line. *sigh* In search of an alternative route, we walked along Catalina to see the scenery and look for signs... after which we ended up in the Pacific Coast Highway. :-P

So we walked along the PCH, thankfully after enjoying some good grub at Good Stuff (the veggie burger is DA bomb!) and some good ol' cafe mocha at CBTL (ooh, lovely to fight off the cold), hoping to catch the 232 bus goingback to Long Beach. Thank god for my pashmina --- dressed for the beach, i once again underestimated the rapid change of temperature these parts have! Made a lovely sarong skirt with it to cover my freezing legs :-P

After some time (read: panicky and kinda paranoid), we finally saw the 232 hitting the curb (yey!) and hurriedly rushed in. At 8:45 in the pm, the strangers get pretty scary, expecially one who started having a conversation with my cousin about life in Hell and damnation after the world comes to an end. *sigh*

In our excitement to be in Long Beach we mistakenly went down the wrong stop, thereby getting ourselves stranded in the Anaheim intersection, about 3 blocks away from our supposed bus back home. *double sigh* with a heavy step, we took en route to the transit mall to get into the 172. Much gratitude to the lovely fellow in the train with that lovely voice and amazing guitar skills who kept us sane and entertained throughout the trip --- his renditions of Jack Johnson's songs were lyrical and sweet. :-)

So arriving at the Transit Mall, we end up riding up the 173 --- NOT the bus we intended to board, but since it was the LAST bus out of there and the closest to home, we rode it anyway... nicely, it was a noypi who was driving it (Mang Roger!) so we were in good company as the bus rode its looong route to Cerritos... after which we had to walk the 3 blocks back home. :-P

Geez. Makes me think if the beach was worth it. (it was, in its own lovely way) Still, with all the perks (lovely grub, good company, mini-adventure, meeting new people), this whole surreal experience gives me a sense of... accomplishment somehow. I made it home :-)

Next adventure, Hermosa Beach!!! :-D

keeping it real... (thanks Larryboi!)

ONE LINERS

I MAY SEEM: like i don't have a care in the world...
BUT I'M: actually a worrywart. :-P
IN THE MORNING: i usually wake up at 6am to have coffee with my grandma, even if i stayed up really late at night.
I LIKE TO SLEEP: in the nude.
ONE THING I WISH IS: to have peace of mind.
ONE THING I HAVE THAT I WISH I DIDN'T IS: indecision.
ONE THING YOU CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT: money.<--- you got that right!
ONE THING YOU WANT TO BUY: right now? a MAC Powerbook laptop
ONE WORD THAT DESCRIBES YOU: psychosomaticaddictinsane

FIRSTS

BEST FRIEND: Kathy Fermin, kindergarten
CRUSH: Christian Slater (hahahaha!)
REAL DATE: how real is this date? :-P Think mine was in high school, but i forget.
REAL KISS: OMG, i forget!!! :-P Guess it wasn't that good of a kiss..
REAL BREAK-UP: third year college. luis
PET: Buta (Pig), my kitty.
PIERCINGS/TATTOOS: aside from the mandatory ears, had a tongue pierce a couple of times and my cute ol' tattoo :-)
CREDIT CARD: credit is bad, very bad!!! :-P
TRUE LOVE: i really can't say... i think each great relationship is, at one point, a manifestation of true love.
ENEMY: dami. wag na isulat,baka mag-away pa kami... :-P
MUSICIAN YOU REMEMBER HEARING IN YOUR HOUSE: BeeGees and the Air Supply from my mom, The 3 tenors from my dad, and The Monkees from my uncle. :-) Quintessential bands of their time daw...
SEX: late bloomer ako eh :-P

LASTS

CIGARETTE: a couple of hours ago, on the way back from West Covina. The night was cold, my shirt was thin and it felt good to have smoke in my lungs (haha)
MOVIE SEEN: Wedding Crashers. Good, unadulterated fun, but kinda boring somewhere inthe middle (and it was LOONNG!!!)
BEVERAGE DRANK: coffee, iced!
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: margarita, compliments of the Suncoast casino
FOOD CONSUMED: sushi, compliments of SushiMac
PHONE CALL: Justin, asking if i needed a ride home.
SHOWERED: last night (i just woke up, ok?)
SHOES WORN: my black strappy sandals
CD PLAYED: Erykah Badu's Baduizm
ITEM(S) BOUGHT: yummy chocolate brownie from 711 and an iced coffee
ANNOYANCE: People who give out mixed signals...please, doesn't this get old!?!
DISAPPOINTMENT: Having people taking great lengths to avoid issues (ignoring it doesn't make it go away...)
WANTING TO DIE: a couple of months ago. It sucks when i sink into the lowestpit of my depression..
SCOLDED: (haven't really had one of these in a long time... hehheeh)
SHIRT WORN: a black sleeveless blouse
DRUNK DEAD: abouta couple of months back --- man i wish i can be that drunk again.
WEBSITE(S) VISITED: larry's blog
WORD(S) YOU SAID: shyet.
PERSON TALKED TO ONLINE: Mary, about whatever is up :-)
STORE SHOPPED IN: Guess? at the Outlet Premium, Vegas
SONG YOU SANG: Perfect/True Faith (nasa Shuffle e)
I LOVE YOU: couple of days ago
I MISS YOU: couple of days ago
THANK YOU: my "homies" !!!
PERSON YOU WERE WITH: (people) Abs, River, Onel, Jep, Ghiel, Toti
PLACE YOU WERE IN: Palos Verde
HUG: sila Onel, pagtapos ng paghatid nila sakin
REAL KISS: i'd rather not say.
GOOD CRY: couple of weeks ago
ROMANTIC THING YOU DID: (haven't done this in a loong time din, so i'd rather not say.)

RANDOM QUESTIONS

WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP TODAY: 6am, tapos sleep ulit till 10ish am
ARE YOU IN LOVE: not right now. I'm confused.
ARE YOU MISSING SOMEONE: yup.
ARE YOU HAPPY: i would like to think i am. in some level.
IS SOMEONE MAKING YOU HAPPY: someTHING.<-- i'll go with this!
EASILY JEALOUS: yes, but i can't help it. It's in my nature to be jealous. :-) ganyan ako eh!
PERSON YOU LOVED BUT DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT IT: everybody loves somebody, to quote a famous band :-)
PERSON YOU WORRY ABOUT: friends and loved ones --- dami noh? hehhehe
PERSON YOU WANT TO HAVE DINNER WITH: friends. haha safe answer! :-))

FUTURE

WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO: Europe --- France, Italy, Spain, basta dun! I wanna see it all.
CAREER: top-billed, highly paid visual artist/designer.
WHERE TO LIVE: Right now? downtown LA or NY.

CURRENTS

MOOD: bored, sleepy and kinda disappointed how things are working out.
MUSIC: anything that quirks my interest --- im willing to try anything once!
TASTE: coffee na lang dear :-)
HAIR: black as hell, long and shiny (pang-Pantene! wahahaha)
LONGING: for a job and a permanency permit.
DESKTOP PICTURE: my cousin (it's his computer)
FAVORITE ARTIST: right now... The Shins
BOOK(S): harry potter book 4.
HATE: see ANNOYANCE answer.

photos, socials and the lack of sleep

Ok, i admit it --- i've been a shutter bug lately. The past couple of days have been spent in quiet isolation since my aunt, uncle and cousin left for the P.I., leaving me, my lola and cousin to fend for ourselves here in the US. Lately it's been one trip after another, hence the accumulation of a horrific amount of pictures that even i am astounded!

After filling out my monthly space in Flickr, i sought refuge in an old reliable --- Ofoto, now known as Kodakgallery. *sigh* As much as this is great in storing pics, it requires that all viewers be registered before they view the pix, which sucks big time :-P

Soon after i resigned myself to the new fad my friend shave been harping about --- Multiply.com. Hmm, sounds and looks pretty fun (a la Friendster) but unfortunately, i somehow used up all the space for my pics again! WTF!?!

So what's a gal to do? Back and forth i've been uploading pics all over the place --- much to my demise, my flickr account is still 4 days from reactivation for uploading. *sigh* Till then i resort to these alternatives (and no way to upload and phot-blog!) waaahh....

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yes, i am THAT bored. I've opened up a Multiply account, uploaded every picture i deem viewable and even managed to accumulate new friends in my Friendster and MySpace account. Of course, this unhealthy way of living is further fueled by the fact that my hours in the day is spent almost in front of the computer...

I have got to get a job. And a life. Being "single" in LA has been quite a feat -- from scenarios taken from "weirdos of another planet" to casual fun gone awry, social dating here is, as my friend Jeff would say, challenging. :-P I am glad that i amin the company of great friends -- friends who, despite the busy schedule, manage to squeeze in time to take me out and catch up! :-) yey!!!

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On to the bright side of things, got to chill with Abs and River tonight! We met up at Downtown LA for some R&R and somehow got to get Onel, Jep and Toti to join us later on! :-) Sushi at SushiMac, chillin' at the cliff and the ride home pretty much attributed to the night, filled with weird scenarios and strange meetings (it's a small world after all!) as well as interesting bystanders (WTF!?! Is it really that normal for complete strangers to just randomly call out at you across the street!?) and lotsa chill time, laughs and good conversation.

Man, i'm gonna miss LA when i head to SF soon...

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i just LOVE LOVE LOVE the brownies at 711 (the one along PCH)!!! It's oowey, gooey, chewy goodness of chocolate! yum yum! :-) Course, this being a midnight snack, i may be totally biased :-P

+ + +

It's 5am and i am still up. Darn the coffee. Hmmm...more brownies for me though... a few hours before beachin'!!! yey! :-D

queries, quotes and Quidditch

Why is it that the more you try to avoid thinking of something, it somehow becomes the only thing you can think about?

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"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you
mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot.
People forget." (Jessica - age 8)

+ + +

Fiddlesticks. If only Quidditch were real, then i'll be able tofufill my dream of flying. *sigh*.

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I miss my Garams and coffee!!! Haaay....

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viva las vegas!

Just came back from a recent trip to Las Vegas...pics to follow!!! P.S. my flickr account is full for this month, so check out my Ofoto account if you please! :-)

Highlights of the trip:

* The casino experience is, personally, overrated... better off drinking the free booze than playing the slots (yes, it does get addicting!) The buffet's pretty damn good though...

* Good sounds and safe driving make the road trip worthwhile... kudos to the cool driving of Ghiel and Onel, the fab stylings of Jepjep and the wonderful playlist courtesy of Ghiel's Ipod mini. (we encountered numerous accidents and "would-be accidents" on the way back home, so peeps, please do NOT drink and drive --- nasty!)

* Vegas is HOT!!! Lucky for us it was a "cool" 100 degrees compared to the ultra heat of 115 the week before we came. Thank God for central A/C! :-)

* Got to hang with Ghiel's cutie nephew, Pico --- such a charmer! :-) Ladies beware! This one's gonna grow up to break a lotta hearts, i think...

* The best way to enjoy Vegas is to be in the company of friends! Amidst walking, long travels, clowning around and the ever present picture-taking, conversation is fluent and the fun keeps going...

* Las Vegas can be a hazard to a singleton's life --- after seeing the fantastic water display at the Bellagio, the romantic setting at the Venetian, i feel the burning need to hug someone and be close to my so-called significant other...

Ok, that said, i can safely say that Vegas, despite my reservations, has grown on me. The road trip rocks with its fab landscapes and smooth roads, the company was rockin' even more and the experience was something i wouldn't mind doing again. :-)

the Finally list, and some more quotes

I finally got to finish the Harry Potter book (and just in time too!) before my tita sends it off to my brothers... whew! The vedict? Sad, sad, sad... it had me crying buckets, which amused my the hell out of my cousins :-P

I finally got to see my Tita Ann, after almost a month of staying here in LA --- she came home from SF to pack and get ready for her two-week vacation in Iloilo (wow, kewlness) and their house is getting pretty filled with last-minute gifts, purchases and what-have-yous. We've been power-shopping for the past two days for my cousins and relatives' things and pasalubongs, which was quite fun, if not tiring...

I finally got the "ok" reagarding my dad's health from my last conversation with my folks. It's good to know that someone up there is hearing my call...Thank you po! :-)

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Art, like morality, consists of drawing the line somewhere. - G.K. Chesterton

+ + +

Friendship's bond quells the chill of loneliness. - Anonymous

hello again

Change my view of the world
i dare you
yet you smirk and just sigh
the inevitable is there to hold your hand
and hold you, you said
willingly into its arms...
i live to see the moment
that things just fall into place
miraculously
like that simmer of hope
i hide in my heart
whenever i see you
Drowning slowly
in my allusions of life
i resign myself
to you, inevitable change
my hand reaches its amicable clasp
as you smile
and take me in your arms

fuzzy pic

fuzzy pic!
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

As the night goes on, so does the booze and conversation. (tama bang pag-usapan ang yosi pag wala na!??!)

abs and me!

abs_n_lette
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

picture,picture!!!

Abie and i finally get to meet up! yehey! (don't mind the lush looks --- we are just too happy for words, heheh)

abid Alin ang listeners

abid Alin ang listeners
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

... as we listen on.

Who's red?

Who's red?
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

enjoying the chika...

pa-piktyur na naman!

pa-piktyur na naman!
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

Glendale gimik pics are uploaded (yey!)

current read

current read
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

Bought myself a copy of the book whilst i was in CostCo ($16) Haven't read it yet, but i plan to do so before my tita leves the US for Manila so i can give it to my brother...

the weekend warriors

(pictures coming up soon)

Friday saw me in downtown with my cousin Justin, where we checked and toured 7th and 6th st. We got lost somewhere in Grand, and ended up in the Public Library. It was our "downtown LA" tour day, where we rode the Metro to the city from Long beach (yay!) and took the "scenic route" (a.k.a., got lost) around grand to look for 6th. Lucky for us, nobody tried to mug us (although some homeless guy scared the bejezus out of me my leaping into my path for no reason).

We checked out the APERTURE exhibit happening at the Getty Wing, an extraordinary sight of images taken by well known artists and photographers spanning about 5 decades. It's amazing to see these images, especially theones i only used to read and see through books. I could hardly contain myself when i saw the actual Andy Warhol print --- aww man! This is just so fabulous...

After grabbing a bite from Mcdonalds (compliments of a kid's meal!), we decide to check out the MOCA exhibit --- no Basquiat yet(darn!), but they did have the Byrne Collection , which was around 50 or so works of various artists including Steve McQueen, Andy Warhol and M. Kersels. Fave pieces? Kersels' Pink Constellations, a surreal video series which totally boggled my brain, as well as McQueen's Drumroll --- although the latter reminded me so much of another friend's thesis vid.

We wentback home thru train again, and managed to drop by and check out downtown Long Beach and its interesting array of pop --- from street performers (jazz singer and such) to some petty hip and happening bars along Pine. Too bad we couldn't try out the ferris wheel! Perhaps next time...

+ + +

Saturday was kind, as i went to Downtown LA alone for the first time. Learning from my mistake yesterday, i went down 7th, which took me closer to 6th and Grand. Didn't have a cellphone though, so i had to use the good ole' payfone to get in touch with River. We got to meet up and decided to kill time and chat at the local coffee shop by 7th and Figueroa. Yes, saturdays make downtown LA seem so nice ---less crowds, more streets. and it's kewl to just hang and chill... too bad CBTL was closed though :-P Anyhoo, we caught up on stuff, from living here and reminiscing Manila...it's so cool to talk to River again, and kinda surreal to have this kind of chat in LA --i felt like we were just in Katipunan! :-P Go figure...

Jeff and Onel joined us after "5 minutes" and we decided to check out The Standard for some drinks. Unfortunately, that place was kinda ritzy and well, needed a dress code. So we ditch it, met up with Abie and Harold and proceeded the convoy to Glendale. Once there, we hung out at Chuwy's (tama ba?) to dine and drink. On the ride there, Abie, River and I chat up to catch up, and like me, they were feeling the whole "surreal" vibe ---yes, ladies, we are in LA, we are all together, and we ARE going out! :-D

A pitcher of margarita, a double round of cadillacs, lotsa food and conversation --- pratically elements of a fun night sans the planning! We stayed there drinking and laughing, and it was really great to get to know everybody. We headed over to a nearby convenient store to get some coffee and ended up chillin' at the nearby 711 to see the paraks cruise by. Unfortunately, unlike Manila, LA's nightlife is cut too early by the 2am curfew (what a buzzkill!) Still, it was a pretty fun night, and i'm pretty sure everyone had fun. :-) Kudos to the homeboys --- Onel, Jeff and Harold for showing us a pretty kewl time! :-)

random bursts

another round of coffee and conversation.

how scintillating.

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i always wonder why i always seem to get the short end of the stick.

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In commuting, the length of time in travelling is always equal to the length of time spent in the actual destination. *sigh*

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You can never be too lonely. Until you spend time in L.A.

romanticism, et al.

you can never compete with something in the past, with memory. we love what we can't have. and we cant have what we love.

-wong kar-wai

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Remedium amoris.-- The cure for love is still in most cases that ancient radical medicine: love in return. (Nietzsche)

Thanks to Led for these posts at his myspace account...i just had to repost it cos it's soo darn good!)

+ + +


we always want what we can't have.

into the weekend...

It's amazing how one day can be so boring at one moment, and so interesting the next...

I woke up to the blaring alarm of my phone. It's not exactly the earliest of mornings (try 8:45a.m.) but after sleeping for only 4 hours, it's giving me a headache. Still, i woke up and managed to help out in the chores of the day.

I get to chat with Clang, thru YM. We discuss about life, love and the ever burning question of casual sex. Huh? Say that again?!? He's pretty kewl to give a guy's point of view about the issue, and we tap into weird connections as well as infamous friends who have done it, are doin it and athe consequences of thus. Hmmm, sounds like a talk show issue... will have to check that out.

Funniest thing though, Clang is well, the last person i would have expected to have this conversation with. :-P

+ + +

Come noon, my tito's friends help me out by giving me some leads to temp jobs --- interesting to note that these guys, despite their appearance, have pretty cool connections in California. Nice.

Slight alarm goes off when one of them suggests i marry one of his comrades to get a green card. Yikes. :-P Uh, let's get into that when i am really desparate, shall we?

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I break in my "new" clogs (got it in a vintage store in Melrose) with my cousin by commuting to Long Beach Mall in Carson. Hot day, heavy clogs. My feet begin to hurt after taking about 15 mins, but since we're far from home, i try not to wince every time we take a step.

Toured the Staples area with Justin to check out the cool office stuff. If i was still working, this would be Mecca... all those office stuff and so many possibilities! Ooohhh.... (geek mode) I talk shop with a store assistant who, obviously, knows very little of paper. My cousin ends up pretty freaked out by how "professional" i sounded. Heheheh. See, it pays to know office jargon. :-P

We take a break by checking out some stores in the area. I never got to see Barnes & Noble again since A) I had no money to buy any books, and B) it was too far (try about a block of walking in shoes that are ready to rip your skin apart). *sigh*

Heading home we take the 101 bus which, for some reason, didn't even notice our stop request (freakin' weird). We had to walk to the bus stop and *gasp* wait for the 172 which came, unfortunately , late as usual. Killed time by taking inane pics of Justin and me waiting at the stop, nit to mention checking out people and cars as they pass by. Not bad to spend your 30mins. If only they had a bench and some shade though....

What have i learned from all of this? First off, Marriage is the last reasort you can go for if you wanna get a green card (especially if the guy is more than twice your age). Second, a book really comes in handy, as well as a camera. Third, never break in your shoes when there is a HUGE chance that you'll be walking a lot!

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Next stop, downtown LA....

the 100 things survey (for lack of anything to do)

01- I’m a hopeless romantic.
02- I love learning (ha! geek!)
03- I hardly remember dreams, unless they involve conversations with people.
04- Most of the time, people i talk to in my dreams i never see again for a loong time.
05- I smoke socially (usually in big groups)
06- I’m pretty outspoken when i'm pissed off.
07- I get bored easily, though most of the time i try not to show it.
08- I’m all about living for the moment.
09- I love meeting people and making new friends!
10- I hate stupid people who think they know better.
11- I used to have a cat named Pig.
12- I'm a closet wannabe singer.
13- I once won a dance contest with Roel (hahaha!)
14- I haven't eaten pork or beef in 4 years.
15- I ate a burger last weekend for the first time in 4 years.
16- I miss work.
17- I love soymilk.
18- I wanna go and live in New York one of these days.
19- While I think casual sex is a prime example of individuality and freedom, it doesn't really work if both parties aren't in that frame of mind.
20- I am good with directions (people think i was a cabbie in my past life).
21- I believe in keeping one's word.
22- I am learning how to play golf.
23- I would love to start working NOW. here.
24- I miss Manila and my so-called life there.
25- I want to get an apartment of my own near the beach.
26- I smoke sometimes because i'm just bored.
27- My cellphone is my lifeline (though it doesn't do much these days)
28- I facepaint children and adults for a living sometimes.
29- I'm also a childrens book illustrator.
30- I'm a kid at heart.
31- I love watching The Family Guy.
32- I think Stewie is the cutest most diabolical kid around!
33- I have a tattoo.
34- I love hanging out with friends and catching up.
35- I love the beach, but not the ocean.
36- I wanna get a new tattoo by the end of the year.
37- I always bring a pen and some paper wherever i go.
38- I am willing to try anything once.
39- Movies and music are very important to me.
40- I have had 2 piercings, both of which closed within a year (argh!)
41- I cannot live without ART.
42- I love getting love letters.
43- I like writing better than talking most of the time.
44- I look forward to the weekends.
45- I'm easily amused.
46- For some reason, my favorite day is friday.
47- I can't stay put in one place for very long.
48- It takes a whiel for me to get over something, esp. if it hurts me.
49- I love to smile.
50- i love a guy with a great sense of humor.
51- People who chew open-mouthed gross me out.
52- I'm not a morning person...
53- ...but wake me up the right way and i'll be happy as a bunny.
54- Halloween is my favorite holiday.
55- I always feel sad at Christmastime.
56- Pretentious people irritate the hellout of me (like that PR person of ours...)
57- I'm malambing...
58- ...and a Scorpio.
59- I would like to learn how to snowboard.
60- I sometimes believe in serendipity.
61- I love making scrapbooks!
62- I love to cook.
63- I don't know how to drive.... and i wanna learn.
64- I enjoy a warm hug from a good friend.
65- I have a need to be understood.
66- I don't like unresolved issues.... then again, don't we all?
67- Crushes give spice to my existence (hehehee)...
68- ... though I tend to fall too fast.
69- I want to fall madly in love!
70- I DON'T believe in love at first sight.
71- I love doing the "tourist" thing, it gives me a great excuse to be free.
72- I feel blessed to have a great family, and lotsa good friends.
73- I used to share an online journal with my bestfriends. (what ever happened to that??)
74- we are the FOURCORNERS --- that's ajo, me, pix and kitty!
75- I'm willing to try just about anything once.
76- I love rollercoasters!and rides!!
77- I'm a groupie when it comes to my friends' bands.
78- I want to surf again!
79- I love swimming, but am afraid of the sea.
80- I'm a computer geek ...
81- ... and i love my nerdy friends (i'm a nerd too, kinda)
82- I play counterstrike and quake.
83- Most of my friends are guys.
84- I like living by myself...
85- ...but the rent sucks.
86- I wish i can fly sometimes.
87- I've had 8 roommates and transferred through 4 apartments since i started living out of my home.
88- I'm not your typical girly-girl... though i love pink.
89- Life is my teacher, the world is my classroom.
90- I was a tomboy when i was a little girl.
91- I'm wishing i can go out dancing again with friends.
92- People say my eyes are my asset.
93- people watching is one of my favorite hobbies.
94- I'm a secret couch potato.
95- I have sporadic bouts of enthusiasm for exercise and fitness.
96- I hate politics in the Philippines.
97- I'm a dark chocolate aficionado.
98- i love my mom.
99- I have 2 brothers.
100- I get stressed out over the weirdest things.

masa na lang ba parati?

Here it is: Please read this in its entirety, the author has a
point! (Thanks to Berger for putting this up in friendster) For those who cannot read Filipino, sorry, there is no english transalation that can sum up the frustration this letter entails....

Galing sa isang ordinaryong manggawa sa Pilipinas

Walang kwenta ang Pilipinas

By: jawbreaker. (isang ordinaryong office worker na ayaw nang
magbayad ng tax...ever!)

Walang katapusang corruption, walang kamatayang pangbabatikos,
pagbabatuhan ng tae at pagpapa-taasan ng ihi ng mga pulitiko sa
bawatisa, walang tigil na imbestigasyon ng kung ano-anong isyu
pero wala namang matinong resolusyon, walang puknat na
pag-aagawan ng kapangyarihan sa pagitan
ng mga partido, patuloy
na pagdami ng tamad at
tangang Pilipino, SILANG patuloy na
pakikipaglaban ng
ideolohiyang wala namang
silbi.

SINONG "SILA"? EH DI MGA CORRUPT NA
GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS AND
WORKERS, MGA TAMBAY NA PILIPINO NA ANG
LALAKI NG KATAWAN PERO HINDI NAMAN
NAGTRATRABAHO AT HINDI NAGBABAYAD NG TAX, MGA
MAYAYAMAN AT
ARTISTANG TAX EVADERS, PATI MGA
AKTIBISTA, NPA AT IBA PANG
IDEOLOGICAL GROUPS NA HINDI NAGBABAYAD
NG TAX PERO PANG-GULO!!!


Lagi na lang sinasabi ng mga pulitiko:
Ipaglaban ang masa!
Tulungan ang masa! Mahalin ang masa!

MASA LANG BA ANG TAO SA PILIPINAS?

SINO BA TALAGA ANG BUMUBUHAY SA BANSANG TO?

SAAN BA GALING ANG PANGPAGAWA NG MGA
TULAY AT KALYE? SAAN BA
GALING ANG PORK BARREL? SAAN BA GALING
ANG PERANG KINUKURAKOT
NILA?

KAMI NA MGA MANGGAGAWA AT MIDDLE CLASS
NA BAGO PA MAKUHA ANG
SWELDO BAWAS NA - KAMI ANG BUMUBUHAY SA
BANSA NA 'TO!!!!!!!!!

BAKIT YANG BANG MGA MASANG YAN NA LAGI
NA LANG SENTRO NG
PLATAPORMA NG MGA PULITIKO EH NAGBABAYAD
BA NG TAX cla???!!!!

KAHIT ISA SA MGA NAG-RA-RALLYING MGA
SQUATTER NA YAN, KAHIT
SINGKO HINDI NAG-RE-REMIT YAN SA BIR!

PERO PINAPAKINGGAN BA KAMI NG GOBYERNO?

LAGI NA LANG OPINYON NG MASA ANG
INI-INTINDI NG GOBYERNO.

KUNG SINO ANG NAG-RA-RALLY, SA EDSA,
SILA ANG NASUSUNOD.

KUNG SINO ANG MAS MALAKAS SUMIGAW PERO
WALA NAMANG ECONOMIC
CONTRIBUTION, SILA LAGI ANG FOCUS PAG
MAY PROBLEMA.

SILA LAGI ANG BIDA.

KAMING MGA ORDINARYONG OFFICE WORKERS,
OFW'S, LABORERS AT IBA
PANG NAG-TRA-TRABAHO AT NAGBABAYAD NG
TAX - KAMI ANG
NAGPAPAKAHIRAP PARA BUHAYIN ANG
PILIPINAS. KAMI ANG MGA TUNAY NA
BAYANI NG BANSA!!!

Tuwing nakikita ko ang payslip ko,
nag-iinit ang ulo ko at gusto
kong maiyak sa inis. Napakalaki ng tax
na binabawas sa akin pero
ginagamit lang sa walang kwentang bagay
ang perang pinaghirapan
ko.

Lahat ng pagtitipid ginagawa ko para
suportahan ang sarili ko,
pamilya ko at ang bansang to. Ni hindi
ako makabili ng chicken
and spaghetti meal sa Jollibee kahit
gutom na gutom na ko.
Nag-tya-tyaga ako sa waffle na tig-P10,
o kaya pag may konting
pera, junior bola-bola siopao sa
Mini-Stop sa halangang P20.

Eh kung yung pera ko na pinapangbabayad
sa tax sa kin na lang
napunta, eh di sana nakakapanood pa ko
ng sine at least 2 beses
sa isang buwan. Nakabili na sana ako ng
bagong rubber shoes.
Nakapagpagawa na sana ako ng sarili kong
bahay.

Yung tax na binabayad ko, karamihan nun
derecho sa bulsa ng mga
corrupt na mga government officials at
workers. Habang hirap na
hirap akong i-budget ang pera ko, sila
naman nagpapakasarap sa
mga mansyon. SUV's at luxury cars pa ang
dina-drive nila,
samantalang ako sa pedicab lang
sumasakay!

PERA KO YANG PINAPAGPAPASASAAN NYO!!!!!

reminiscing with san mig strong ice!

reminiscing with san mig strong ice!
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

ok, ok... checking out old pics was definitely a road down memory lane... now that i'm in the US, these fellow drinkers are here too! So, nasan ka na Roo? Kelan tayo inuman ulit???

Haay.... i miss San Miguel Strong Ice!!!

weekend highlights

* having coffee and breakfast with a good friend
* enjoying an In and Out burger for the first time
* beachin'
* movie watchin' with friends
* learning the rudiments golf at the driving range
* watching grown men bicker about showbiz
* learning that yes, life has its awkward moments
* knowing that your friendship is valued
* reminiscing with photos and stories

+ + +

The coffee cools as we sit and talk,
and barely do i feel the heat
All is see is you
and the way you speak
Your shining eyes
which mesmerize
are truly quite engaging
perhaps your
smile can make me stop
and give in to my yearning

+ + +

lapses

Old friends are like coffee and conversation. They stimulate you into thinking and you spend long hours mulling over it.

+ + +

I am lost in my thoughts of the fates that bring me to where i am. I hardly understand anything happening in my life these days, i feel like it's a whirlwind of an existence, basically living each day as it comes, expecting nothing, anticipating everything. It's exhilarating, but at the same time, scary...

+ + +

Why am i so obssessed? To want something so bad yet not being able to get it tingles me to the very core. I wish i can stop this constant craving, yet i seem to be eerily drawn to it.Change is but a step away, and i am heistant to make the transition...

+ + +

coffee in my mug in the morning makes me open my eyes a little wider to see what's happening. I see it, yet i somehow still refuse to acknowledge it.

what the hell is wrong with me!?!?

ARGH.

poetry...

poetry...
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

...is the quality of our acts.

art is splendor

art_is_splendor
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

mid-week blahs

My relatives have been obssessively telling me about how easy life would be if i took a medical degree instead of the path i chose. *sigh* I guess practicality really shines through. I think about the convenience and demand of jobs here for health-related opportunities and slightly feel jealous of the luck of the draw these guys have. But still, i wouldn't change my degree for anything.

"well, you can always get married here to a citizen", my tita remarked.

Uh, say that again?

NO FRIGGIN' WAY. Call it my firm belief on love or sumthin', but marriage is hard enough to work along in without having that idea of convenience added into it.

+ + +

Took my grandma to the hospital today. It's amazing how for the past week i've been to one clinic to another --- first, my tita's facility which houses several physically and mentally challenged individuals, now my lola's MRI appointment. Not to say that it's bad or anything (i don't think of it that way) but in some weird way it's like pointing to me the obvious option of staying here is to go through the medical route....

*sigh*

livin' the tourista life

i guess i can count myself lucky. I've been staying for the past few days at my tita's house at hancock park, livinh next dorr to Beck and a few streeets away from Antonio Banderas. Hmmm. Too bad i never met these people yet. :-P

It's been quite a revelation to me how things can easily be so high and low here. Struggling to find a job, yet being able to meet and check out the lie of teh rich and famous, well, that is quite an ironic thing isn't it?

So it's a humbing experience --- realizing that your degree doesn't mean shit here and everyting has to be done with paperwork... argh. I hate the bureaucracy of it all, at this point.

I do consider myself lucky though. I am grateful for those people who take the time to help me out here --- kudos to you guys and gals!

now back to job hunting...

river and moi!

river and moi!
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

ahh,the fun ol' days o havin a yosi buddy... here's me and river chillin' out after a great lunch...

Signs of the times

Signs of the times
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

'nuff said.

Roel, eat your heart out!

star wars!
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

yup, walked along the famed hollywood boulevard with River and Ghiel this weekend to encounter some interesting shows, amazing shops and yes, all that hollywood has to offer. No sightings of stars, but there's lotsa interesting people and places that you don't really give a shit anymore. :-D

LA_skyline

LA_skyline
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

Today was my first time to get into the nitty gritty of downtown LA. It's a long drive from Lakewood, and i assume an even longer one commuting. Nonetheless, i was pretty amazed at the LA scene, especially the area. This was taken at freeway 10, while we cruised (more like crawled) through the busy road. Went to meet up some people from CBTL, where they welcomed me like one of their own (awww!)

*sigh* now i miss work.

falling down

an admission to her fault is not so easily received by her people. So, now what? People once again call for change. Another election? Another corrupt official to step up? Another EDSA? Seems like all we wnat is change but we never seem to be happy about it.

God, the entire country is in shambles. Crab, anyone?

+ + +

Now that my money is now officially equal to nothing, i am a poor woman.

+ + +

i gotta get a job.

the X-files file #000143

Why is it that when you're confronted with the past you tend to clam up?

Hearing your voice made me want to cry for some reason. I guess it's all that pent-up emotion i am trying to keep out of my voice. Weird how even through wires and static i can hear you smile and vizualize how animated your face gets when you talk.

*sigh*

+ + +

great, Lette. Just great. While you're at it, make an L with your fingers and put it up against your forehead. smooth

+ + +

The_guy_with_shamu_hair

guy_with_shamu_hair
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

went to Sea World and this is what i got out of it. :-)

5 days into it

so it's been like, about 5 days since i got to LA. So far, all i've seen is Suburbia Central, which is pretty interesting, if not surreal. The whole idea of living in the suburbs all your life, is, as my cousin puts it, BORING.

Well, i gotta give him points for that. The place is too comfortable i guess, that if i don't watch it i get sucked into the surreality of it all. Which is why, i feel, that i should really venture out and do the commute thing...

Anyhoo, we actually went on a trip yesterday. San Diego is two hours from where i'm staying, and the ride was a bit unsettling. I never imagined California to be so VAST that it would take a two-hour ride (straight driving at that) to get to another city. Yup, EDSA was never like the Freeway either. I have a newfound respect for drivers who frequent the freeway, and master its winding roads and confusing intersections and exits.

We went to SeaWorld (yup, the park) which was pretty interesting. I was with three cousins and no adults, which accounted for the fact that we pretty much did anything we wanted, with no "plan" --- made going around disorganized, hectic and yes, FUN! Of course, you can't help but get a feeling of de ja vu when you encounter theme parks (cue theme music from "Enchanted Kingdom") ... (i'll post some pics soon, i think) By the time nightfall came we were tired from teh walking, burned from the sun (no sunscreen) and broke from all that food and junk we bought. hehhe.

I just wish my family was here to enjoy all this.

Flowers at the lawn

flowers at the lawn
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

This is the front lawn of my aunt's place --- the roses are just amazing!!!

oh woe is me...

Damn Globe pre-paid for the useless crap they call a service. I have not been without a fone for more than 6 hours. ARGH. The past three days have seen me longingly trying to send MMS/ texts to Manila (as promised by those dastardly conniving peeps at the service center) only to be unrequited.

My cellfone is considered useless at this point, nothing more than a standby camera. *sigh* With that gone and my YM non-existent, i am facing the basics of life. Literally.

I have started missing texting so much that i actually installed a Chikka messenger on my cousin's computer, using my now-defunct globe number ( i say defunct because i can't do anything with it --- it can receive messages but it cant do anything else). I'm hoping this will do for now... *sigh*

See, this is what happens when you switch networks.

ARGH.

+ + +

"in suburbia..."

Arriving at my Aunt's house reminded me so much of the Pet Shop Boys' songs. It's amazing --- i always thought this was only seen in the movies.

Boy, was i ever wrong.

+ + +

Life here is quieter and for the past few days i've been here, it's been, well, kinda surreal. But i'm not complaining. The heat is dry (no sweat!), the chores are pretty can-do, and the people are nice.

+ + +

It's great to see old friends, especially the ones you miss.

lost in transit

in an internet shop somewhere in the airport of Incheon. Having a short stopover befbefore i head off to LA... trip has been short and kinda turbulent...made me wish i was back home.... i am in the throes of chaos as finding a measly $3 is becoming a tumultuous task amidst the language barriers and inconsisitent translations... oh well...

wishing for safety, love and well,hoepfully contentment soon....and of course, peace of mind...

*sigh*

Once again, i am the master of wrong timing.

*sigh* so much for peace of mind...

Why can't you just talk to me!?! All i want from you are some answers...

+ + +

i was never good with metaphors. I always liked things to be straightforward, simple, direct. honest. Unfortunately, when you're in a situation wherein you don't consider just yourself, things get tricky. i was ok before, and i don't have to think about it as much, but now... Shit. Sometimes i wish i can just... go back in time andtry to fix things.

+ + +

scattered nuggets

new hair, new style / burdensome adjustment / family crisis / re-adjustment / falling down / anti-driving lessons / moving blues / worrying about Mom / life altering decisions / procrastinating / worrywart attack / Iloilo reminiscing / StarMart coffee n yosi / brotherly luv / computer wrecking / idea hashing / YM / missing the peeps / doubting thomas / sleeping in / movie and tv / all-nighter on the cable / missing the simple life / loving the moment / wishing the best / missing the past / hoping for the future

the news

Staying up all night has its advantages, you get to know the news first:

Jackson's a Free Man now, while GMA is getting some more needling from higher ups. While we're at it, the peso-dollar rate just skyrocketed (P55.20=1$!?!!!? SHIT!), so i'm poorer now than i was before :-(

*sigh* True Love (?) i guess can lead you to many paths --- looks like it's Katie Holmes' new thing these days.

Too bad mine never gave a peep. :-(

+ + +

Ah, mornings.

*sunshine*

wear me out
my sunshine smile
let me share your play
i hope to hide behind your grin
and fade the clouds away

perhaps you can lend me
some happiness to get by
perhaps the rain won't come down
that though at times i still cry
i will come around

i hear your whisper
sunshine smile
i know i should be happy
yet inside me i cannot stop
the tears that pour out from me

small miracles

moving forward (as my boss would often say), i shall try to see the lighter (and happier) side of life. Thus, amidst this so-called existence that i have, i would like to be thankful for the many distractions which offer me solace and temporary sanctuary from the worries that freak me out:

24-hour coffee shops which i unusually frequent the past few days with, with my cousin. The place, a local coffee joint in a local Starmart, is reminiscent of my Shell Gas station days. The coffee is cheap but good, the conversation keeps on coming, and yes, there is the occasional encounter with friends from high school (natch!).

DSL connection Bad as this may sound, i am very grateful forthe DSL connection my brother ardently campaigned for, much to my mom's resistance. The internet is faster, the connection is waaay better and yes, now we don't have a skyrocketing bill of endless dial-up bills. Bad news? It fuels my insomniac tendencies.

cable TVYou got that right. Watching almost 24 hours of cable made me realize how much i was missing when i was staying in Manila. Blameit on the fab shows, the endless stream of sitcoms or just plain tv crazed, but i am sure glad thetv is there with its endless shows and movies.

+ + +

Ok, material shit aside, i am extremely thankful for:

my family, for putting up with me and my erratic mood swings ever since i got here.

my brothers, who, for the life of me, enjoy my cooking and ask me to cook more cookies forthem (the chef in me is grateful for such support!)

my uncle, who has done nothing but help me out --- from moving my stuff back home to teaching me how to drive a stick shift (yes, i do not know how to drive until now --- yougot a problem with that?!)

my mom, who has been quite the trooper with everything else going on my life -- she is my role model in getting things organized and getting things done.

my cousin, the soon-to-be doctor --- he's been my coffee buddy, confidante and well, everyday gimmick dude (when he ain't in the hospital, anyway). cheerios!

and while i am in the thanking mood, the Guy up there who's saved me from falling and seriously killing myself in the process (i wish he leftout the shots,though :-P)

+ + +

pieces

we could end up broken hearted, we don't remember how this all started...it's our time, it's our time....

+ + +

This damn mood is getting me down too easily. The inner gut feeling i have of something dying slowly and painfully is insistently piercing my heart. I sense that soon all this may be just a memory conveniently locked up somewhere in the recesses of someone's mind.

Please, let me be wrong on this.

+ + +

and i'm just a waste of her energy, she's just a waste of my time... so why don't we get together, we could waste energy tonight...

+ + +

i miss the security that three simple words give me. i am lost, confused and more than a little bit frightened by the fact that everything is in enclosed by the shroud of doubt. i wish you can assure me somehow that it's ok.

+ + +

why do i suddenly feel like crying?

MISSION (hospital) : DEATH

I ran some errands for my mom today, just to send out some invites to some doctors in various areas. So i went to this particular hospital, but since it's Saturday, the doctor wasn't in. Naturally, i asked if can just drop it off. But no, the woman at the information assistance desk told me to go to the other building just to drop it off because the secretary wasn't there. So i did,, hoping to drop it off at the nurses' station at least since the doctor has several patients there anyway. Once there, i had to endure another rant by another doctor (some busybody who just started ranting ---she wasn't even the one i asked!) who told me to go back to the building i came from because, as she put it, "it's not done this way".

WTF!?!

Going back, i fell down a flight of stairs (This was not intentional on my part, btw, no matter how many people say i'm a klutz) The stairs were steep, and that rubber edge isn't as safe as it shoudl (it tripped a couple of people on the way up). Ironically, this was in a hospital where, instead of helping a wounded, dazed girl, the nurses stood by and idly watched.

Now i have a puncture wound the size of a 1-peso coin, not to mention some gashes on my left leg (not exactly a must-have for school), which reminds me of the numerous times in my childhood that i scrape dand cut myself in various forms and ways. In a kinda bizaare way, it's fascinating to see how easily the human skin can be marred, brusied and scraped, yet still grow back to the way it was before.

During the course of the whole incident, i was not only snubbed by the very people who should be taking care of me (i was bleeding down my leg in the middle of a hospital but nobody cared --- they looked at it and walked away! GEEZ!), i was actually reprimanded for not coming in on the appropriate day. What the hell is wrong with these people?!?

I really cannot understand why there are some people who, obliged and committed by their hippocratic oath to help, think that they are GOD and cannot easily do other tasks (they feel that this is "beneath them") --- i mean, how hard is it to accept the darn invite, and give it to the secretary/doctor on monday? HOw hard is it to just write a quick note on the invite so that anyone who is in the office can be notified to which doctor this should be sent over to? And lastly, WHY THE HELL would you blame the darn messenger for not knowing the hospital schedule?! I DO NOT work at the hospital so how should i know? Why do you have to give people shit about something they don't even know?

GEEZ.

This bureaucracy within the system sucks big time, especially when it's run by a couple of idiots who think time is not of the essence (it's a friggin' hospital! My office is more time efficient than this place). Cue, Mr. T:

"I pity the fool who ... gets their hospitalization here!!!"

it's all political

With the buzz of all tha scandal that shrouds the government today, it's a wonder how we as a nation are taking it all in with a smile (still).

The spoof TIME cover posted on Piercingpens made me sputter out a laugh, one which died almost too fast.

Now, with the mother of all tapes surfacing, the future is getting bleaker by the second. I'm finding less reasons to smile.

I for one am getting tired of the same old schtick. We did this in Erap's time, we did this every other damn president we elected. Every time we get an offical elected, there will always be scandal and opposition, which leads me to wonder why the HELL do we still elect these bad politicians anyway.

I wonder, just what is it in the Presidential position that people desire? The never-ending headache of solving people's problems in an ungodly and impossible deadline? (like everything else, we want instant gratification) Is it the never-ending flashbulbs of cameras at your face, the scandalous rumors and intrigue that hound your every move? Really, who WANTS that?!?

Show me a politician who's never done a bad deed and i'll show you a dead man.

I think we're better off with a Parliament. Democracy is getting us nowhere because everybody wants to lead everybody else.

dysfunctionality

the perfect family
the couple
the kid with a winning smile
envied
with those held hands
that romantic gaze
the blue ribbon pinned down
but behind the smile
sadness lurks within
those entwined fingers
will break away as soon as no one's watching
those gazes will soon turn away
that smile will falter
when no one's watching...

and then he said...

i will see you wherever you go.

back in the hood

Why is it that whenever i'm NOT in Manila, people seem to call or text in droves to meet up!?!!??? It's just sad and kinda annoying. People whom you have tried constantly to get it touch with over the past few weeks miraculously free up your sked just when you're leaving or just left. *sigh* I guess with my luck, this should be a normal thing already.

+ + +

These days the main issue is money. It's more so a matter of need than want, actually. With all the shit i'm facing at the homefront, it's a miracle i still haven't broken down (had a mini-breakdown a few hours ago, but nothing to really report on). Once again, kudos to the wonderful, amazingly STRONG person that is my mom. You are one heck of a woman, mom, don't let anyone ever convince you otherwise!!! (love you!)

+ + +

I guess this is the last vestiges of phase two of transition... you have to undergo the bad to appreciate the good and all that jazz. But really, do you have to? That only merits recognition to a certain amount of injustice,but if prolonged so you can end up being the scapegoat (worse yes, the jackass who just takes it all in)...

+ + +

I dunno, these days i am just disillusioned and depressed over certain ideals and things i can't seem to fix. It's hard enough seeing the damage, but it's even worse when you don't even know how to fix it, or even help out... :-(

digital

digital
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

My entry for IllustrationFriday's theme

presenting... kate's dresses!

presenting... kate's dresses!
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

yep, we love Kate Torralba's lovely creations! Prior to Cha's fab bday (celebrated on a whimsical, almost fairy-tale like night at Antonio's),the four of us bought these creations with the intention of wearing it to a special event. Good thing we did! :-)

The rain (slight drizzle as we spent the night eating,drinking and having fun) was a very nice companion, lending its pitter-patter to the tropical paradise which enveloped the restaurant. With lotsa wine, amazing mojitos and a fab dinner (not to mention some pretty interesting "questions and answers") we bid salud to the birthday gurl, Charita! :-)

Cha,You are one inspiring, amazing woman! Mwah! wishing you much love, success and happiness!!

Ibalik ang psychicpants!!!

Ibalik ang psychicpants
Originally uploaded by paolomanalo.

the crowd has spoken!

+ + +

Ode to the keys

So long, you've done your job.
Your service has ended.
You unlocked many a time the door to my haven,
freed me from the frustration of work,
guarded me from the terror of the night.
Your comforting clink
in the darkness will be sadly missed,
as well as your cool touch.
One
last
time
i turn you,
to set myself free of a home i once dwelled in...

Ultramagnetic countdown

(thanks to Kitty for the countdown!)

TEN things about me
10- I’m a sucker for romance.
9- I love geeky stuff.
8- I get tired of people who never keep their promises.
7- I enjoy coffee and conversations.
6- I smoke occasionally.
5- I’m stubborn, determined and at times, very OC.
4- I’m neurotic when i'm stressed.
3- I read tarot cards.
2- I am loopy most of the time.
1- I hate incomptetent know-it-alls.

NINE Places I've Visited in 'Pinas
9- Banawe
8- Cebu
7- Zambales
6- Baguio
5- Vigan
4- Boracay
3- Pangasinan
2- Capiz
1- Coron, Palawan

EIGHT Things I want to do before I die
8- get my name and work in one of those designer books
7- win an award
6- get paid a lot of money.
5- travel the world
4- get married
3- pay for my brothers' college education
2- repay my mom for everything she did for me
1- be with the one i love

SEVEN Ways to win my heart
7- be sweet.
6- be sincere.
5- be honest.
4- have a great sense of humor.
3- be decisive.
2- be smart.
1- love me for who i am, not for what i may be.

SIX Things I believe
6- Coffee is good for you.
5- Every person is inherently good.
4- mornings are overrated.
3- friendship is like love, it needs to be nurtured and sustained.
2- love has to have magic.
1- love takes effort from both people to make it work.

FIVE Things I'm afraid of
5- not being able to do my best.
4- disappointing (and failing) myself
3- Disappointing (and failing) others
2- that there is no inherent good in each person.
1- Knowing I could have done something to avoid anything bad happening.

FOUR of my Favorite Items in my bedroom:
4- fluffy pillows
3- my bed
2- my cellfone
1- my sweetie

THREE Things I do everyday
3- work, work, work
2- check email
1- learn (or try to learn) something new

TWO Things I am trying not to do right now:
2- let stress get to me
1- allow myself to get frustrated

ONE Person I want to see right now:
1- him.

Duality

As Psychicpants said,"There are only two types of Filipinos: one who leaves for the States, and the other who leaves for the States with a visa".

I'm just glad to be the latter.

best buds!

awww.... best buds!
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

Yesterday i met up with Zsa and Mitzy, to celebrate a belated birthday celebration. Zsa's actual birthday was last Friday, but due to schedule conflicts, we weren't able to meet up.

Anyhoo, this "ladies lunch" was a bit of a double-celeb, since i'm officially a bum starting this week, and my bosses at China Star gave me a wonderful surprise of gift certificates --- hence, a free meal not only to commemorate that, but also to have a great time with Zsa!

Our time was quite short since she was also meeting some more people (and Mitzy and i watched Madagascar) but i was reallyhappy to meet up with her since she's been so bogged down with her review (Law Bar is on September!).

Anyhoo, it was great to ctach up and chill with Zsa (we should do it again!!!) Reminds me of the good ole' days... naks! So Zsa, Happy Birthday again! mmwah! tc gurl, YOu Rock!!!

Gloomy bear meets Polo Bear

Gloomy bear meets Polo Bear
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

two of my fave bears enjoying a quiet time together!

i envy them. NOt a care in the world...

+ + +

rodent wars

The following paragraphs are a result of lack of sleep, great irritation of saidissue, and utter boredom. Please bear with me.

Since my last post, i have been tackling the issue of how to properly take out a mouse. Now, before you guys make some weird assumptions, let me make this clear:

I keep my house as CLEAN as i can. (Ask my roomies how OC i can get over this) Itis unfortunate, however, that we live in a location that has a humidity that transcends everything else, a tropical area which is a welcome area to all types of rodents and cockroaches, and yes, the ever-irritating system drilling of our Water company outside the gate.

My mouse encounters have happened before, with a lot of bad nedings. Out tried and tested flypeper traps have been gnawed at, giving trapped mice access to freedom when they become persisitent in their endeavor. Other mouse devices , like the traps, have been scoffed at, rarely touched. The chalk thing (which supposedly works for both mice and roaches) are merely scratches on the wall.

This all led me to re-examine the elements. The problem, i ultimately found out, was location. STrategic places where these creature usually tread should be the areas on which the flypapers should be situated. So hence, with all the moving i'm doing, i also re-situated my said traps. The results? Easy as pie, mouse in the house.

on to other things...

Sorry aboutthat. I catch myself slumping back into my depressed mode again... which is why i should really stop posting such crap online. Hence, i turn to better issues (?) like current movies, work-related rants and yes, encounters of the mouse species.

I think i've expounded my love for the conclusion of Star Wars' current trilogy a little too much, so i'll turn over to another much-awaited movie release: Batman Begins. I'm anticipating said movie for two main reasons:

On a purely physical interest, I am madly awaiting how much hotness Christian Bale can muster into this new movie with his portrayal of the "winged" hero. Not really a big fan of the leading lady (the Joey gal from Dawson's Creek??!? Are you FRIGGIN' kidding me!?!) but i do hope she won't destroy everything with her whining (the one thing she does best) and erratic acting.

Secondly, the movie is a welcome treat after those pathetic follow-ups (Batman movies after the Tim Burton ones). With an amazing trailer and a fantastic plot, hopefully, this will be a movie that will make up for those horrendous movies. Batman Begins makes me anticipate its opening day. Ooh, la-la!

Ok, back to catching that damn mouse who's been eluding me since this morning... ARGH!

take me away to paradise...

I keep reading and re-reading your mail. Often times i wonder how you are, and if like me, you miss me like crazy, so crazy you wind up staring into space for a long period of time. It sucks, this time apart. Then again, I hate the idea of regret for either of us, especially if it's about us...

Bartender, another whiskey sour please.

burning the midnight oil

Somehow the whole idea of change has kept me up --- from the worries about pending deadlines, moving day, even turnovers have kept me from sleeping soundly. I worry about these needlessly (after all, after i get out of my job, who cares, right?) and i think i'm going crazy.

My friend Noni thinks i'm crazy because i'm responsible. Shit, i'm beginning to think he's right -- i tend to go paranoid over stuff because i can't shake the idea off myself that it's my responsibility to know and be up to date with the changes happening. Like work, for example. The murals are technically not in the area of my responsibility, but since i know the supplier, i tend to think of protecting the supplier from any mistreatement they may get from the company, as well as try to not let the image of our company go to garbage.

*sigh*

Anyway, stuff like that keep me worrying more than i should and come to think of it, it's nobody's fault but mine, really. (nice, lette. haha) I just wish i can give myself a break without feeling guilty about it.

Lordy. i need a distraction. Bad.

+ + +

Last Song Syndrome playlist

WHITE FLAG
-Dido-
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it well I'd still have felt it,
where's the sense in that
I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were but

I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door,
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble,
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over" then I'm sure that that makes sense but

I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door,
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet, which I'm sure we will
All that was there, will be there still
I'll let it pass, and hold my tongue
And you will think, that I've moved on....

I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door,
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door,
I'm in love and always will be

I will go down with this ship and I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door,
I'm in love and always will be

+ + +

Luv
-Travis-
What's so wrong
Why the face so long
Is it over?
And where you going that
you no longer belong here?
And distance tells you that
distance must come between love
Where have you been, Luv?
When the mistake we made
Was in never having planned to fall in love, Luv
Singing this song
Singing along
Makes it easier for me to see you go
But in doing so
In letting you go
It only serves to show me
that I'm still in love with you
Singing this song
Singing along
Makes it easier for me to see you go
But in doing so
It only serves to show me
that I'm still in love with you
So what's so wrong
Why the face?
So long!
Are you changing?
And where you been to that
you no longer remember?
And distance tells you that
distance must come between love
Where have you been, Luv?
It's just the chance we took
Having never ever planned to fall in love, Luv
It's just the chance we took
Having never ever planned to fall in love, Luv
It's just the chance we took
Having never ever planned to fall in love, Luv
Luv

+ + +

I Love You Anyways
-Travis-
You were on my mind
Inside the cinema
You looked so beautiful
I almost had to go
And when I got outside
I thought of you again
I think you should be framed
In some Fine Art gallery
I know you'd disagree with me
But I love you anyways
And should I climb high my
Dreary city walls
They make me feel so small
Oh let me fade away
This city's so cold & old
Forever rain or snow
I'd really love to come and go
Oh won't you go stay with me
I know you'd disagree with me
I just know you'd disagree
But I love you anyways
You were on my mind
Inside the cinema
You looked so beautiful
I almost dried an eye
And when I got outside
I caught the 44
It dropped me outside my front door
Forgot what I'd been living for

reconnecting

The past couple of days have been, quite hectic with both work and personal concerns. I catch myself crossing paths with people i haven't hung out in a long time, friends i've always wanted to chill out with again, even acquaintances whose amazing personalities leave me wanting more.

A "meet up coffee" with Jac and her bro Carlos at The Coffee Bean led me to an unexpected "catching up time" with Aileen and Edel. The time went by pretty fast, with us chatting about all sorts of girly stuff as well as a brief discussion on current faves. Granted, it was accidental, but we shared a couple of laughs as well as got updated on the latest Fullbright happenings ;-)

A "grub meet" with Noni turned out to be a record pizza dinner at Il Ponticello's (fast and yummy!) which was loaded with lotsa chikka, fun quips and yes, the ever-present, So what's new? query. Noni's fun character as well as his sweet side was ever present (too bad i had no extra ticket for Star Wars3 --- sayang! bwai ako!) which made the impromptu dinner at Valero an adventure of its own.

Star Wars with Mary and Jac got the whole "girl vibe" going, which led me to believe that friendship is something that just doesn't happen overnight, nor does it sustain without some effort. And believe me, with our schedules, it's GREAT that we put effort into meeting up, even for as petty as "some movie". Luv ya gurls!

Coffee at The Bean with Jac turned out to be a great discussion of "behavioral sciences", bridal details and the latest in Barbie. What can i say? My friend is perky, fun and yes, LOVES Pink with a passion. (Kinda like me, hehehe) She is one wonderful girl, who inspires me to just go for it (she's been through so many tough stuff that it's a wonder how she stays so perky inspite that). Some things too --- like Juna, for the nth time, gets my vote as her fiance. you rock,man!

A "stop-over meet" at Sonic's place turned out to be a techie-meets-nerd discussion on the fine details of Episode 3, Animal Planet and the wonders of FTP (thanks, jays! take care and get well soon!) I met his monkey (literally!!!) who was cute, sweet and shared his mango with us (he offered). As for Jays, it'sgreta to see him again! :-)

Finally, a quick bite at good ole' Ababu got me reconnecting with Anton, with relationship, opening a new business and pretty much just chillin'. Just like old times, huh? :-)

+ + +

I love how life gives us opportunities to cross paths with people, and interact with them. I love how our uniqueness makes it all the more interesting.

+ + +

darth vader --- sssshhhwing!!!

darth vader
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

I love Jollibee Kiddie Meal for this!

This movie which concludes the old (new) trilogy has made up for the not-so-hot previous ones. What can i say? Superlatives come to mind (arguable with some of my friends), but all i can say is this: it was worth the 11:30p.m. sked. :-)

Hot points:
- amazing battle scenes
- yes, Anakin DOES transform formidably into Darth, which is THE coolest!
- Hayden Christensen not only shows he's an actor, he's HOT!
- the plot seamlessly ties the first (new) trilogy with the second (old) one.

(ok, stopping now before i turn into complete geek mode)

Thanks and Kudos to MAry, Jac, Carlos and MArk for the righteous decision to watch this movie so early into its run! Also, gracias to Noni for a scrumptious
dinner prior to said showing (Ponti's is THE BEST!)

Sleeping mode incoming, so May the Force be with Us!

ayt!

the clap of thunder...

...was a welcome sound to me and most of the people in heat-stricken Manila. Precisely at 5:58 p.m.,the hard rain splattered over the hot cement and made Manila well--- cool again.

Today was extremely hot --- from the weather to the extreme frenzy of opening day. Yep, today was the opening of out Greenhills outlet, the first inthe still-being-constructed mall across the theatre mall. Oh joy. Getting there at 9ish inthe am just to put up posters, fix some outlet items and well, pretty much critique the area wasn't exactly my idea of fun, but it had to be done.

How exciting was my day? Follow that with some supplier trouble, mural revisions and an endless afternoon of assembling letters and coupons and you've got yourself a --well, ok,--- interesting day.

So coming back from my first meeting in Morato, i was welcomed back into the Greenhills area by the intense pour, literally pouring over me as i raced to shelter (i nearly skidded unto the newly-polished floors of the mall,but that's another story).

With the thunderous "storm", traffic almost instantaneously developed, as if vehicles were dehydrated and ballooned with the moisture. Yup, too traffic to go anywhere, too wet to move around, too broke to buy dinner (yup, only had money for cab fare). Plus, my supplier meeting got cancelled so i'm there with nothing to do but wait the rain out. *sigh* I even tried to see if anybody could meet up and spend the time hanging, but to no avail. Oh well...

Thankfully, the rain stopped soon, and wonder of wonders, i got myself a cab that didn't give me bullshit about going to QC inspite of the traffic. :-) Thank god for small miracles!

+ + +

Somehow this wasn't the way i envisioned spending my lat two weeks with the company. Hmm. I need to get more rest...

+ + +

If only i could turn back time

U.P. lang ang may TOKI, sa buhay wala nito.
Pero nasasaiyo na yon kung nais mong pabaligtad
ang takbo ng buhay mo."

- Prof. Ryan Cayabyab from Commencement speech given on April 24,2005 before the Class of 2005, UP Diliman, Quezon City

Thanks to Berger for posting this up.

+ + +

Bakit nga ba nakakalito minsan ang buhay? ha?!?

+ + +

Reminiscing about the past will not do you any good. It's about doing something in the present that will change your future that counts.

+ + +

I don't want to think of you as the one who got away, i'd rather think of you as the one who's on indefinite leave.

garage_sale!!!

garage_sale003
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

thanks for the folks who passed by and checked out (and bought!) the stuff.

The heat kept us from getting any new peeps to check the items during lunch and the afternoon, but lots more people came by by 3pm.

For those who missed out on it, we're scheduling another one sumtym soon (more stuff,books and other kitsch) so please come by.

beachin' in my dreams

coron_03
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

GAWD, ANG INIT!!!!

sana nasa beachna lang ako ulit... *sigh*

Happy Bday Kitty and Juna!

Kudos to my galpal Kitty, who celebrates the big 2-5 today! :-)

Here's to a gazillion years of coffee and conversation, yosi breaks with Gudang Garams, chika galore and countless times of great friendship! Thanks for being such a great pal! :-) MMwah!

+ + +

Also extending my salutations to Juna, one of my best galpal's fiance. He is a guy who i know is THE best one suited for my galpal (naks!) He's sweet, caring and very fun to be with, not to mention smart and helluva conversationalist. Kudos and best of luck on your upcoming "transition"! You rock!

+ + +

Here we go again...

While the AFP tries to defend its recent expenditure, i raise my eyebrows. New infrastructure? Is it REALLY that beneficial?

Working in the area of Annapolis, i often come by the area which they are currently "renovating". I wonder how the officers who permitted this can ever justify that this will benefit everybody. The soldiers and other officers who will benefit it mainly will be those using the campgrounds on a daily and semi-daily basis. They can "jog better" and it's about time this thing is renovated anyway. However, the new article which questions, what about the Mindanao forces? brings back the argument of it being a benefit for all.

Would you rather give rice to those soldiers sacrficing their lives for the good of the country, or use it to renovate a slab of area on which limited soldiers can utilize?

Reading more about the current state of our armed forces in Time makes me all the more sadder. Our Armed Forces is not equipped with the proper sustainance, health benefits and weaponry that it should have. As far as corruption goes, i guess we are truly feeling the brunt of it from the past. How can we expect these people to defend us when we cannot even sustain them properly?

*sigh* Somebody tell these guys to rethink their priorities.

Happy Mom's Day!

i wish i can do something substantial enough to show you how much you mean to me.

You fed me, taught me, showed me the ropes --- you practically gave me life!

Thank you for being the best mom in the whole wide world! :-D

In this time of change, i see and feel the worries and dreams you have for me. I can only hope that i canmake you proud.

I love you MOM! :-)

GARAGE SALE moved to the 15th of May

GARAGE SALE at KAMUNING!!!

WHEN: Sunday, May 15, 2005
WHERE: 96 Kamuning Road, Quezon City

I'll be holding a garage sale with my friends at 96 Kamuning Rd., Quezon City (from EDSA, go through the strecth and it'll be on your left. From Morato, it'll be on your right) You won't miss us, we'll be by the street selling clothes, cds, books and what-have-yous. Interested parties may come in early to browse and buy through things.

Some of the items we'll be selling:

dvds for P35 - P45
vcds for P25 - P75
books for P50 - P200
(choice books include: Griffin and Sabine, Catcher in the Rye, Darwin Awards)
blouses and shirts for P25 and up
bags for P50 and up
shoes for P75 and up

See ya! :-)

"I think a change can do you good.."

...borrowing from the words of Sheryl Crow, change is a VERY big thing for me right now. So much is happening and i am just...overwhelmed.

I've resigned from my day job, started the sorting of my things, making plans of the move and yes, getting myself physically and psychologically psyched for my trip.

Yes, peeps, i am a-movin'. I've finally got my visa approval through and for about a couple of months, i will be seeing the other side of the world (yey!) Why resign? A difference of opinion? kinda. I don't really wanna think about work while i'm out of the country, so we decided i'm gonna be "on leave". permanently, or at least until i get back (It's nice to know that you have options)

Still back on the change subject, my mom and i decided to start off her "training consultancy", hence the family support and graohic work for her atop the usual workload. It's great to see her all excited about her "pet project" and kinda nice to be involved in the "family thing" again.

Now that i'm supposed to be "moving on", Taking time to meet up with friends and reconnect has become one of the top priorities i have for the next few weeks. It's great to hang out with old schoolmates, re-acquainted friends as well as just spend time to bask in all of the energy and bustle.*whew*

It's frightening.

I really hope i can get things done well, and fast.

Here's to another adventure...

+ + +

Advance Happy Mom's Day!!! Love you Momma! :-)

Garage Sale

GARAGE SALE at KAMUNING!!!

WHEN: Sunday, May 15, 2005
WHERE: 96 Kamuning Road, Quezon City

I'll be holding a garage sale with my friends at 96 Kamuning Rd., Quezon City (from EDSA, go through the strecth and it'll be on your left. From Morato, it'll be on your right) You won't miss us, we'll be by the street selling clothes, cds, books and what-have-yous. Interested parties may come in early to browse and buy through things.

Some of the items we'll be selling:

dvds for P35 - P45
vcds for P25 - P75
books for P50 - P200
(choice books include: Griffin and Sabine, Catcher in the Rye, Darwin Awards)
blouses and shirts for P25 and up
bags for P50 and up
shoes for P75 and up

See ya! :-)

karma chameleon

"...you come and go... you come and go, whoa-ho..."

Life is so full of surprising twists. Just when you thought you were done and over with something, the past comes back to haunt you. These days i am constantly reminded of certain things in my past, some of which may be better off not remembering. However, due to lack of emotional diversion, i find myself thinking of the what-ifs and could-bes of the situation, thus confusing myself even more and well, paint myself into a corner.

i try to not think of it as something open-ended, like the last time. After all, the new you is soo... different that i can hardly imagine myself talking to youthe same as before. Perhaps i crave the good ole days. Perhaps i seek refuge in something familiar, something that i can safely say, "home", in a sense.

Ah... i do not know anymore. The new turn in my life is leading me to more questions rather than answers. Do i miss you for who you are, or what you represent?

Argh.. My brain is begging me to stop tormeting myself.

Friendship manifesting Serenity

Had my tarot cards read tonight.

After a day of fixing things, moving things and endlessly sorting things, we finally got the first floor done. Next stop, second floor!

An evening with friends, new acquaintances and old buddies, proved to be a relaxing way to spend Sunday despite the hauling and cleaning in the house. Met up with Clang, Karl and the rest of the peyups peeps (happy birthday Tin!) at Teriyaki Boy for dinner and conversation, which quickly turned to a frenzy of laughter, jokes and a helluva fun time. Met up with Carla and Haydz afterwards to check out the festivities in Eastwood. It was a "mystical weekend" which meant tarot card readers,fortunetellers, etc., hence, the tarot reading.

In college i got fascinated by the world of tarot, even dabbling in it myself. I was attuned to the child cards, which was a deck that featured childrens' book characters instead of the kinda morbid ones found in the traditional deck. The person i talked to had, fortunately, a lovely deck which featureed angels and lovely illustrations.He gave me two readings, one from his angel deck, and a couple more from his tarot deck.

Interestingly, the cards seem to enunciate the events happening so quickly in my life. As much as i don't want to rely too much on his advice, it's pretty uplifting to know that everything has options within one's reach. As for other issues, it give me relaxation to realize that life is pretty darn good these days, and can only get better...

:-) Thank you!

can you feel the love tonight...

can you feel the love tonight...
Originally uploaded by bunnie_lette.

... it's in Avilon Zoo!!!

Yes, that is Aiko and Jomari, the lovable lion and lioness at Avilon Zoo. For a measly P200 entrance fee, you get a two-hour guided tour along the 7-hectare zoo filled with amazing primates, lovable(?) reptiles, kewl mammals and lotsa amazing birds! The rided there may be rocky (as in, you'll feel like you're in the middle of nowhere) and far, but it's worth it. Come early, it's in Montalban (two towns away from the city).

:-)